How often can you get a time in your life, when there is no objective for thoughts, no end in mind, no pressing depressions and more importantly you kind off relish such a period.
Such periods come seldom in one's life. these days I am in this perfect week or so to vegetate. I dont even need to think about any specifics, so I have conciously let go of my worry hat and future mongering. Result is that I am strolling at leisure through the labyrinths of what ever my sub concious pops into my mind.
I am completely enjoying it.
I have thought about my aspirations(mostly sky high in every aspect). But this is more of a time when I am tending to kind off come up with a score board of my present vis a vis my aspirations.
Needless to say, that the score is pathetic the statistics would have almost depressed me at most times, but that is where this period is so special. I dont really seem to take to heart anything, I am levitating, knowing the reality but neverthless not getting bogged down by it.
I am still not even close to contentment,but still I am not worried, guess it is in simple language called maturity? but you would understand my wonder, if you knew how thoroughly immature I am always at managing my aspirations.
But all this seeming stagnation in my movement towards my aspirations, hardly seem to bring the usual bout of restless depression.
May be I am just getting old and more and more reconciled to this stagnation, but the moment this thought comes in my mind, I know its incorrect, because I havent reconciled or given up at all. So what should I attribute my behavior too?
I think it is maturity; but that word itself terrifies me, 'cause hundreds of times I have been told I am immature by people who dont understand my aspirations. So to say that I am maturing is to in effect acquiesce to the fact that my aspirations are all anyways unrealistic. Which again is such an incorrect inference, that I almost typed incorrect in capital letters.
SO this is the quandry I am in, wonder wonder and wonder what is it that has changed in me as a person, something has for sure. But I cant really put a finger on it yet.
