......__.......

Time flies away, it was almost 15 months ago that I started to scribble down my thoughts, it was a means to let out a lot of things that till then had been confined within and also it was a certain 'growing up' I observed in my own thoughts and feelings, I felt at ease with myself, was finally not expecting/judging/questioning myself endlessly.
That I feel was an outcome of me getting drawn more and more into nature and its beauty. I suddenly found that while I was roaming alone somewhere, instead of feeling alone or morose, an inner me was feeling joyous, thoughtful and relaxed. This I guess triggered me to write, after a few months of sribbling on paper, I was afraid that all the things I was thinking , feeling and trying to put into words would get lost with time. So the next thing was to put up a blog and transfer my thoughts here, however still the blog was more of a personal diary, out of bounds for anyone, not to be shared, not to be discussed. Over the last year, every once in a while I wrote something or the other here.
Now, as I read my own posts, I am touched just by knowing and being reminded of what I felt at a particular moment an year ago in my life. Needless to say it also reminds of physical things that triggered the thoughts in the first place.
This blog shall remain personal always, but ya I think I would share it with some now, people who know me well and would not judge or form opinions about it, because that is the whole objective of this blog, a personal scrap board of thoughts, neither to be judged nor to be made fun of, neither a life's story nor a frustration release valve, neither reflecting actual incidences nor factual in any way.Its just imagination and feelings at play, as sudden and experiential as say a sudden breeze, when you are basking in the yellow sun on a cold winter morning.

warm sparkle

Amidst the mediocrity of everyday life, there are some people who so touch you by an un-obvious sparkle that for a few moments as you bask in the brilliance of their light; the beauty of life itself becomes apparent. Even if for a moment, but the glimpse of this beauty, converts one into a believer.

Since this is such an effervescent experience, before we know, the traces of such moments disappear and only an after glow lingers.
Sometimes the aftermath of such an encounter/experience is complete despondence, a feeling of never being able to feel that warm sparkle again, of knowing that life is forever a drudgery and sometimes it is Utopian optimism, making us believe that in this maze of life, you can once again without warning encounter that warm sparkle, maybe in a different form, but again.

And so often, it is this mystery of life, these unknown possibilities, this experiential upliftment into a realm where you for once believe in the ultimate ethereal beauty of life, that is the ambrosia of our soul.

So is this warm sparkle really a person specific experience, to me the warm sparkle transcends individuals, it is a feeling which theoretically may be experienced upon meeting any person any time. Though in life as we know it, these warm sparkles happen precious few times, may be once, twice or may be never. May be it happened already, may be its around the corner, maybe its happening right now, this I guess is the eternal mystery and the edge of life.

even as the moonlight sleeps on the leaves of trees
and the languid wind caresses the dark night;
i am lost in the light of a warm sparkle
that comes through my memory;
the heart is blithe & the thoughts are warm
i marvel about this road of life
full of wonders and sights;
like a mystic in search of the unknown
as i walk down i know;
some where again i will find
on a turn unbeknownst ;
that warm sparkle again

time's i want to fly away

some evenings, as i twiddle my thumbs
in the yellow black cab
the sun, it takes a one last yawn
before settling to sleep in the sea of clouds
for a moment the world turns red and the wind picks up
and I want to spread my arms and fly away

years ago, when the train rumbled on in the coal black night
with me standing, on the door ajar
some times it would come, a lonely river
in midst of the grumble of bridge meeting its old friend train
the river it would smile on me, with moonlit eyes
in those moments of eternal peace
I wanted to spread my arms and fly away

Some nights alone
when I watch for stars
and a distant crooning rings in my ears
its gilmour wondering 'do they still meet there by the cut'
I just want to spread my arms and fly away